dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
