I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
