I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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