I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you will always have a special place in my vag
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
