She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
