Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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