he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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