You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
