Need sex. Gaining weight.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
two words...techno handjob
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
