it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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