What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
