The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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