My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
