I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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