Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
