I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
