i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
