my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
