dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
