Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
