Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
