I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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