Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
