Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
