I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
