It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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