You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
