I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
