I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
