he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
