Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
