in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
