I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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