Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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