Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
