About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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