yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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