Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
