I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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