I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
