woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
my shit smells like andre
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
