I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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