Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
