he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
