so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
