The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
What changed your mind?
Being sober
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
