I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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