i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
