i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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