What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
where am i from again
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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