Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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