at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
