All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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