its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
