i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Congratulations! We have a period
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
