Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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