Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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