I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
