I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Randomize
